Sindie's Blog

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Snow storm warning, indeed!

It came... It saw... It conquered... with a vengeance!

It snowed all day yesterday and overnight, and it was right around freezing, so this snow is HEAVY! All I can say is: It's a good thing I didn't have to go into work today. :) Today is the first day off for me for Christmas/New Year's, and I won't be returning until Jan. 3! Anyway, I bet there's about a foot of the stuff on the ground. Erik had a hard time getting out of the driveway this morning, because the snow is piled so high as the bottom of the driveway due to snowplows coming through. Beth, my sis-in-law, backed out of her driveway this morning to go to work, and she got stuck in the snow on her street. They haven't even plowed her road, apparently!

It took about about an hour and fifteen minutes to get home from work yesterday, and I waited until rush hour was over. I didn't go faster than 35 mph the whole drive home, so it took me about twice as long to get home. The roads and freeways weren't plowed.Before this whole thing is over, it's supposed to snow more today, LOL! Tomorrow and Christmas, it's supposed to stop snowing, but be really, really cold, meaning single digit temps! Brrrr!! Well, I wanted a white Christmas, and I got one, all right, but I didn't need quite this much snow. Eleven inches would have sufficed, LOL! (sarcasm)

See, those of you who live where they close down everything when you get a mere two inches of snow? This is what a snowstorm is! I'd love to see the reaction of someone from a warmer climate is they had to spend a winter in Ohio, LOL! We still have to go to work, and stores are still open. It's just amusing how people react. :)

posted by Sindie 8:09 AM

Friday, December 10, 2004

Grrr! If there's anything that can get annoying, it's when a song is too repetitious! :p For example, "A Wonderful Christmas Time," by Paul McCartney, is such a song. I was working today, and the radio was on. There's a station that is playing only Christmas music between now and Christmas, and that's cool with me. I love Christmas music, BUT this one particular song just drives me crazy. I'm sorry, as I realize that there are several Paul McCartney fans out there who probably love this song, but I can't stand it! Now, it's going to wind up stuck in my head the rest of the day, and I'll be found singing it on the drive home, in the shower, right before I go to sleep... during dinner, while trying to write... Grrr! That's just plain wrong.

Well, now that that insanity is over (I hope), I've just got to inform that world how HAPPY I am that is the Christmas season! My favorite time of year! I know that some people don't like it because of the "requirements:" shopping in over-crowded stores full of crabby people, spending way too much money, feeling obligated to have to attend gatherings, etc. Well, I think that these less-than-pleasant aspects of the holiday season make the good aspects definitely worth it. I love giving presents and seeing the looks on people's faces when they open them. I love spending time with friends and family. I love decorating the house. I love singing songs (expect the one listed above, LOL). Also, I love the true meaning of Christmas. For me, as a Christian, this is the most important reason for the season. I totally respect non-Christians celebrating Christmas as well, though. :) It's just a great time of year to be thankful for loved ones and everything that's been given to us. *warm fuzzies inside*

posted by Sindie 11:57 AM

Friday, October 01, 2004

Frustrations.

There are times when I become frustrated at the lack of inspiration I feel. For a writer, this can be even more frustrating than it is for others. I have been doing a lot of reading these past few weeks and not a lot of writing. You would think with all the reading I do that I would feel more inspired to write... but no. *sigh*

I hope to get some writing in this weekend, but between plans with family and taking my car in, I don't know when I'll have time. My car is another frustration. I had taken it in a month ago to get a transmission fluid flush, and shortly after that, something started leaking from underneath the car. It's light pink in color and is under the hood by the driver's side. Today, while driving into work, my oil light came on whenever I braked and then would turn off again. I just had my oil changed a month ago as well and am only halfway mileage-wise to needing another one. I don't know what the deal is, but something isn't right. I hope I don't have to dish out more money on this stupid car. Said stupid car in a 1997 Dodge Neon with 114,000 miles. Maybe it's just getting close to the time when I'll have to buy a new car, but that means monthly car payments. *double sigh* With all the money talk that Erik and I have being doing recently, the last thing I want to deal with is having to dish out more money.

I swear that researchers don't get paid nearly enough. I, of course, knew this when I went into biology in college. Research is damn important, and so, why are we so underpaid? I'm not saying that I want to make the most money in the world, but it would be nice to make a bit more than I currently do.

Speaking of money, jobs, and such leads me to the state of the economy and how utterly depressing it is and has been during Bush's administration. My biggest problem with Bush, though, is the fact that he brought us to war with Iraq. I watched the presidential debates last night, and when he said that the enemy attacked us first, I was thinking, "It was Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan, not Saddam Hussein in Iraq!" From the moment Bush declared war on Iraq without the okay from the majority of the United Nations, he lost much of my respect and support. Yes, Hussein should have been removed from power. Yes, he had probably habored weapons of mass destruction and was lying. Yes, he is an evil man and probably fully supported the Sept. 11 attacks, but there were other ways in which Bush could have gone about dealing with Iraq. I think he jumped into war too quickly without fully thinking things through, perhaps not with a plan fully formed as to how we would help this other country or with any idea how costly, in both lives and dollars, this war would be. As a taxpayer, my money is paying for this war, and yet, where has the U.S. been to help other countries?

Bush kept saying last night the a free Iraq would be a good example to the rest of the world at just how well the U.S. can bring freedom and democracy to those countries who need it (or is that who we think need it when there's something in it for us?). I want to know what makes Bush think that the U.S. needs to stick its nose into the business of foreign countries when we might not even be wanted. I want to know why we haven't helped out other countries that might want our help... because we don't get something out of it. I think the major reason we're so interested in Iraq is because of oil. I want to know why we demand other countries get rid of their weapons of mass destruction when we haven't. Isn't that a bit hypocritical? The U.S. is the only country that has ever used atomic bombs on another country. Sept. 11 was just a convenient excuse for Bush to do what he has done. Also, he has really screwed up the U.S.'s relationship with the U.N. We had a lot of allies before, and now I'm wondering just how the rest of the world is looking at us.

We need new leadership and a change. I am generally a Republican, but there is no way I will vote for Bush. If I find out more about Kerry's stance on different issues, and I happen to like what he is proposing, I may vote for him. I will not vote for him just because he's not Bush, though. That's no reason to vote for someone.

So, alas, there are my frustrations. I don't expect the U.S. to be on top forever, and I feel it's already beginning to slip. No one can stay number one forever. There will come a time when we won't be "the most powerful country in the world." Sometimes, I think Americans have too much pride and think we're better than others, and that is a dangerous way of thinking. We need to be realistic and keep our feet on the ground and be humbled. Unfortunately, it seems we have chosen to learn the hard way.

posted by Sindie 10:29 AM

Thursday, September 09, 2004

On September 6 (Labor Day), Erik and I celebrated our one year anniversary. Wow, one whole year being married. It's hard to believe, isn't it? Especially considering how fast time truly goes. It's been a great year, and I look forward to many more. I look back on my life at times and realize how far I've come and how truly blessed I am to be where I am today. I don't oftentimes say thank you to those in my life who have inspired me, supported me, loved me, cared for me, and just, well, been a part of my life. Well, thank you! Thank you to those people in my life! I love you!

posted by Sindie 1:01 PM

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

So, I wrote the stuff below yesterday. Today, I'm in a much better mood. :)

It wouldn't be a far cry from the truth to say I work with a bunch of slobs. I don't know when I became such a compulsive clean-freak at work, but I certainly am not like this at home, nor was I ever this bad earlier in my life. I see something messy; I have to clean it... and then I drive myself crazy and piss myself off because I feel like I'm the only one doing any cleaning around work. I still have my experiments to run, mind, which should be my priority, and it is, but last week, oh, the horror.

My boss basically put me in charge of making sure that the lab stays clean and telling others to keep it clean, since I am such a cleaning-freak. This was a couple of months ago. Well, needless to say, I don't like getting in people's faces about things, seeing as I am a non-confrontational person, so I don't like telling people to keep things clean. However, I let the rage I feel build up inside until I practically explode. I am like that with a lot of things. I don't oftentimes outwardly express what I'm really feeling if I'm angry or upset around most people, but that doesn't mean I don't feel it.

Well, amidst my cleaning last week, I lost concentration and accidently threw away from things that a couple of other people needed for their experiments. Granted, they were understanding about it and realized that I hadn't done it intentionally, but I was still so upset at myself. Well, my attitude on Friday had hit rock-bottom. I felt miserable.

I decided why should I give a damn about keeping things clean? If others don't care, why should I? I'll just keep my own desk and bench space clean and clean up after myself, but why should I be responsible for others, who are all adults and should be perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves? So, I'm on strike, basically. I was telling one of my co-workers this today, seeing as she did the same thing a year or so ago. She used to try to keep things clean and organized, but then she had enough and gave up. Well, she told me that what I'm doing isn't the answer. I should have asked her why she did that very same thing, then, and why she hasn't changed from that decision since then. If she chose that answer, why can't I?

It's like I'm somehow "not allowed to." It's like I've already been given the label of "cleaning bitch" or something, and I'm just supposed to continue to keep my mouth shut and keep going about being miserable. That's not fair, people! I keep my mouth shut 99% of the time. I hardly ever tell people off for some of the things they've said to me that I've been hurt by. I've let people walk all over me. And you know what? After a while, I get kind of sick and tired of it! And I think I have a right to speak my mind for once! God knows there are plenty of other people in the world who feel the need to constantly bitch, moan, and complain about how horrible this or that and the other is. I deserve that same right, and yet, whenever I do complain, I feel like I'm being reprimanded for doing so in the first place.

There are few people on this earth who I truly confide in, and they know who they are. My husband, my closest friends, my family... they are the ones who give a damn (and a whole lot more). I'm grateful for them, thank God, because without them, life would be a lot harder. I'm done complaining now. Just had to vent. Sorry.

posted by Sindie 1:46 PM

Friday, August 13, 2004

Sometimes I hear a song that gets me thinking. Today, while at work, I heard Billy Joel's "Piano Man" on the radio. That song was written and performed six years before I was even born, but it speaks to me. I've heard this song many times before, and every time I hear it, it gets me thinking about life, about people, about relationships... It's one damn good song.

I'm sure most people are familiar with it, but if you're having trouble remembering, it's about a bunch of people at a bar on a Saturday who are listening to the piano man play. It's basically an escape from their less than perfect lives for a little while. And so I picture very cleary in my mind all these ordinary people just sitting around, nursing their drinks, talking to each other, and this seemingly ordinary thing just strikes me as so beautiful as well. Sometimes, I look around and just observe people and realize that we're all just that: simply people. We're far from perfect and have flaws and problems, but we keep going on living and sharing with friends our views and philosophies on life.

I think that beauty can be found in ordinary, imperfect things. It's our human existence.

posted by Sindie 3:23 PM

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Reading... it's something that I hated as a kid. It's not that I couldn't do it; it's just that I had no patience for it and found myself frustrated time and again whenever I was required to read a book for school. I remember all too well sitting down on the couch in the living room with my mom when I was a kid and taking forever to get through a short, large-printed book meant for first graders. I oftentimes refused to read or what struggle through it... and wind up cramming right before a test or sometimes watching the movie version, hoping to do well enough. Somehow, I survived.

Must to my pleasant, I grew more fond of reading as I got older, although I still found some of the books we had to read in high school to be dreadfully boring. Once I hit college, though, I was pleasantly surprised to find that we were reading things that were actually interesting and recent, not things that were written by people from at least a hundred years ago. Since then, I have taken to reading many books for pleasure and am proud to say now that reading is one of my favorite past times. I only wish I had had that pleasant when I was younger. Because I value reading so much, it is something I intend to stress with my own children one day. I want to read to them when they are very young and encourage them to read instead of watch TV. In my humble opinion, there are too many junk shows on TV nowadays between all of the horrible, relentless commercials, and I would rather my children learn something, not just vegetate in front of a screen for hours on end, watching shows that probably lower their intelligence instead of stimulating it.

posted by Sindie 12:37 PM

Friday, June 11, 2004

Gripes... we all have them. I am in a mood to gripe now, so please bear with me. If you have better things to do then read about my gripes, then by all means, please do it. If not, then enjoy. *evil grin* I hate the indecisiveness of Ohio weather. The forecast is seldom right. It says sunshine, but it rains... or it's supposed to be warm, but it's not. Why even bother to look at the forecast, then? I also hate it when people don't clean up after themselves at work. Oh, it happens all the time, and heaven forbid I dare complain about it, because no one ever does anything, anyway, and it just winds up pissing people off to hear me bring it up. So, I basically just keep my mouth shut most of the time and continue cleaning up after people who are too damn lazy to put things away after they're done with them. I despise it when people have poor grammar. Certainly, they learned in school the proper use of commas and the differences between "their," "there," and "they're." Why is it so difficult for people to write things properly? Grrr... It also annoys me that this one guy I work with is constantly clearing his throat like he's got cotton stuck in it, but I won't go into that and the annoying way that he talks. So, that's enough gripes for one day. I also don't like it when people ask me why I haven't updated my site in a while. Well, hello? I do have a life offline, too, you know! I hope you enjoyed your pleasant reading experience. If you didn't, don't say I didn't warn you. ;)

posted by Sindie 12:39 PM

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I heard a quote today on the radio that I felt was very true: "Whenever you're doing something worthwhile, you are going to have critics." How true that statement is indeed. I think about professional writers and how much criticism they receive from various groups. As popular as Pottermania is, there are groups out there who feel the books are bad for children to read, promote ideas of sexism, add to the over-marketing of products to make money, or are anti-Christian, believing that these books are teaching witchcraft. I have read reports and critiques on JKR's masterpieces that have been negative, and although I disagree with their assessment of these books, I sometimes do understand where they are coming from. If their arguments and believes are backed up well enough with plausible and coherent explanations for why they feel a certain way, then that makes it easier for me to understand their point of view. So, that in mind, I realize that whenever I receive criticism on my writing that it negative or at least somewhat negative, I realize that people will think how they want, believe what they will believe, and are entitled to their own opinions. At least they are being honest.

Also, I know that I should be my own worst critic. If I'm not happy with a new chapter I have written, then I know that it needs improvement. Judged by someone else's standards, a piece of writing always has room for improvement, so when is it finished? When I feel it's finished. When I feel it's the best I could do (at that given moment... I may come back later and change my mind...). When I write, I am writing for me. When you write, you should be writing for you. The reason anyone writes is for himself or herself, not for his or her audience. If you don't believe me, then perhaps you should re-evaluate just why you are writing. If you try to write something for someone else, then you will never be happy with it, because it is not truly your own. That story and its plot and its characters are not what and who you would create them to be. What's more is that if anything, we don't write the story as much as the story writes us. I know it sounds strange and perhaps even near impossible, but I have heard professional writers say time and again that it is their characters that demand to be written a certain way and to do certain things in the story, not the other way around. When the characters are able to do that, to provoke the writer to be the servant to them, then you know that you have created very real and very believable characters that have a life of their own (at least to you). Critics will say what they will, but if your characters are speaking to you, then I believe you have your own masterpiece.

posted by Sindie 8:54 AM

Monday, April 12, 2004

Easter is celebrated because it is the day that the Lord Jesus Christ rose from the dead, thus proving that He is the Son of God and was and is our Savior. Now, I realize that there are many people out there who are not Christian and who do not believe in this miracle. They might practice other religions or not even believe in a higher power. That, I realize, is their choice, but at the same time, I do not appreciate it when non-Christian advertantly or inadvertantly blasts Christians for their beliefs. I had to read "Happy Zombie Day" on one of the mailing lists I'm on, and while I realize this was probably just meant to be a joke, I did not find it amusing in the least. The person who wrote this joked about how Easter is the day that the dead rise and walk again, thus the "Happy Zombie Day." Also, this person said that he/she was not Christian, so that the things he/she was saying were not blasphemous. Well, to me, as a Christian reading them, they are blasphemous, and this group is not a religion group, either, so in my most humble opinion, that statement was inappropriate. I am not one to preach to others and tell them what to do or what to believe, but it really hurts me as a Christian to read something like that. I pity those who simply refuse to believe Christ is their Savior, but in the end, it is really their loss. They chose not to believe of their own free will. I am not perfect, and I am a sinner, and it is only because Christ died for us that I am saved, nothing else. Without my faith in Him, I am nothing. It's too bad that there are still so many non-believers in the world.

posted by Sindie 2:28 PM

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Eh... damn race with myself. I sometimes feel like I keep running and running toward some unforeseen goal ahead, only to find myself frustrated that I haven't yet reached it and wondering when and if I ever will. See, I have been feeling uninspired lately. The only writing I've really managed to do has been my Harry Potter fanfic, and even that has taken a lot of prodding on my part. My original story has sat untouched for months now, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever have the desire and/or inclination to finish it... or at least write the next chapter. I managed to pump three more or less worthless poems out of myself yesterday and today, but they are far from masterpieces, and I know it. I just had to try to write something, you know?

I suppose part of my problem is the fact that for the past two weeks, I've been under the weather. Speaking of weather, I am starting to wonder if it will ever stop raining. It's April now, so I realize that it's typical for early spring weather, but still, it's nearly as depressing as snow. Anyway, what I thought was a flu was actually the beginnings of hepatitis A. I have no idea what I ate that gave it to me, but I spent several days at home just resting and drinking lots of water. Luckily, I've improved a lot this week and am feeling nearly 100% again, but my mood still isn't great. Lord, I beg you, please give me some inspiration!

posted by Sindie 8:47 AM

Thursday, March 18, 2004

There are certain things that we simply can't help about ourselves, like our age, for example. I keep wondering when is that age when people will think of me as a grown up. More often than not nowadays, I am treated like an adult, because let's be honest here; I am twenty-four, married, working a profession, and a homeowner. I am far from a child, yet sometimes I cannot help my own insecurity. I felt like a child today in the eyes of those who are just a few years older than me. They were talking about their first movies they had seen as children, and I realized that an age different of 7 or 8 years sometimes is enough to make me feel like a child. Pardon my complaining, but it doesn't help the fact any that I've been feeling achy and sore the past two days, not to mention lethargic... feeling a lack of energy. I admit that my mood is not at its best right now, but I just needed to vent. That's what this is for. I guess that during that conversation of movies and such, I pretty much wound up feeling like an outsider, because I couldn't really relate to the topic, and I was basically left out of the conversation as it went on. I guess I just wish that sometimes people would remember that not everyone is the same as they are.

posted by Sindie 1:01 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

As you have probably noticed, I have had a major desire for creativity these past couple of days. I've completely redone the graphics on my site, added more photographs, and updated my Harry Potter fanfic. Also, I'm in the process of doing several drawings, both for Harry Potter and non-HP. I really hope that this newfound inspiration carries on for a while and that I update my original story, which is long overdue for an update. I apologize for the delay with that. :p

In real life, I simply wanted to share something with you all. A very good friend of mine is doing a marathon walk of 26.2 miles in June in Anchorage, Alaska, for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Their website is http://www.teamintraining.org if you want to check out their website. Anyway, what I think she's doing is a wonderful, noble cause. She has a dear friend who is suffering from lymphoma, and she also has had many other people in her life who have been affected by these diseases. She felt she should do something to help, and so she is being a sponser for those loved ones. Seventy-five percent of all donations go toward research and treatment for the patients with these tragic diseases, and I feel this is a very worthy cause. I applaud my friend for her effort and selfless giving in this.

She is depending on the kindness of others to raise the money for her trip, which, like I said, seventy-five percent of the money she raises goes toward research and treatment of leukemia and lymphoma patients. Well, one of the people at work very selfishly asked her what he would get out of it. That totally pissed her (and me) off. That kind of attitude really pisses me off. If certain people are going to be too materialistic and greedy with their money to even give a few dollars to charity, then those people are less of a person in my mind. People should give because it's the right thing to do and not because they expect something out of it. They should know that they are doing something good and right and receive a good feeling from it and not expect anything more. That is just wrong.

I guess I just needed to state how I feel on this subject. I feel very strongly that giving to charity is something we should all do. I try to make an effort, and if you who are reading this agree with me, then bless you. If you don't, then please rethink what your priorities are and how you would feel if you were a suffering patient who was depending on the kindness of others but didn't receive anything.

posted by Sindie 12:50 PM

Friday, March 05, 2004

Wow, so a whole month manages to fly by right before my eyes, and I don't even realize it! How could it have been that long since I've updated this thing? Whew! Anyway, sorry about that, everyone. *sheepish grin* Tomorrow will be Erik's and my sixth month anniversary! Yay! :D It's hard to believe that it's already been a half a year. I watched our wedding video just last week, and it's great to look back on that day and remember. Spring is just around the corner, and the weather has been much better. Today, in fact, it's about 70 degrees, which is about 30 degrees above normal for this time of year. It was 75 degrees on our wedding day, which is perfect weather and the perfect temperature in my opinion. I have started noticing buds on the plants, and the days are obviously much longer than they were in the dead of winter. It seems that with the passing of winter, my mood in general improves. I think that winter blues are a real thing, indeed.

Work has been busy, but overall, my performance has been good. There are always things to complain about and people who get on my nerves, but I think that's a part of any job. For now, I'm happy enough at the Clinic, so I have no plans of leaving any time too soon. We'll just have to wait and see what the future brings.

As for my website, I realize that I've been extremely lazy with updating. I swear that I will write chapter four of my original story very soon! I would also like to do some drawing besides just the Harry Potter stuff I've been doing. I should get out my camera and take more photographs. I need to add more poetry, too. I should... I should... I should... Notice a trend here? LOL Well, *sigh*, hopefully the spring weather will give my creativity a much needed boost, and also, there's the issue of time. Damn. Never enough time.

posted by Sindie 1:17 PM

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Yesterday was one of those "blah" days... You know, when you feel like doing absolutely nothing, have no motivation, just want to sleep the day away. Well, thankfully enough, today I'm much more "whoo." I'm awake, yes, by perhaps some small miracle of God called SLEEP! I'm in a fairly good mood for no apparent reason at all, and despite the fact that I'm not busy at work, I'm not complaining about being bored. The time will pass like it always does. :)

In other realms of my oh-so-exciting life, I am happy to say that in only three days it will be Erik's and my fifth month anniversary! Yep, five months ago we were getting married on a beautiful, bright, sunny September day. I was watching the wedding video the other day, thinking back to that day and how perfect it went. You hear horror stories from other people about how their wedding was ruined over "this, that, and the other," but somehow, we managed to have a wonderful day. It meant so much to me to walk down that aisle, knowing that I was going to be marrying the man who I love and that there were friends and family there to witness our union with one another and with God. They were sharing in our celebration with us, wanting to be a part of our day, and oh, that just means so very much to me.

I don't often express my feelings well in person, so I guess that's why I enjoy writing so much. Not only can I create worlds on paper that exist only in my imagination, but through my words, my characters, my settings, my plot, my stories, my CREATIONS... I become a creator and share something very unique and divine with God. I express myself through my creation, as did and does God whenever he created or creates. That is the most beautiful thing, and that is why I love art so much, for it is trying to make some sort of sense out of this nonsensical world that we live in. Amen.

posted by Sindie 10:13 AM

Friday, January 23, 2004

Okay, so the other day I was totally on emotional overload and over-reacted to what was going on at the time. Since then, let me just say that things have worked out for the best (as they usually do), and I am thinking and acting rationally again. If you read that ranting and raving, I perfusely apologize for that. It's embarrassing to think how off the wall my emotions were, but I also think that writing it down in a journal (despite the fact that anyone could read it online) did help me to vent. I think that in the future, I will resort to keeping those kinds of things in a private journal. I could delete it, yes, but I think I'll leave it up as a demonstration of something *not* to do in an online journal, at least not for me. I like to keep things a lot more vague in general when I'm writing in here. :)

posted by Sindie 8:26 AM

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

I despise winter, January in particular. If you were to go back and read my journal entries from a year ago, you would find me saying the exact same thing. We had a horribly cold and snowy winter last year, and so far this year, it has been the same. It is quite depressing when it is dark all day due to overcast skies, and while driving, snow keeps falling and falling, and all the while, I keep wondering when it's all going to end. There are still two more months of winter (officially), and usually, it will still carry over into April.

My already down attitude lately has been further brought lower by the fact that when I state my opinions or feelings, it doesn't seem to do one damn bit of good. I hate letting people walk all over me, and for much of my life, I have let people have their way with me far too often, all the while just keeping my emotions hidden away to myself and wallowing in self-pity. I would like to be taken seriously and not have my opinions and feelings underminded by someone who thinks he or she is a know-it-all. That is exactly what I allowed (my fault, of course, being foolish enough to allow it to continue for so long) my supposed "best friend" to do to me for two years. She was a manipulator, wanting my pity, even though she said she didn't. She played me like a well-tuned piano until she no longer had need of me, but I finally had enough and just ended the "friendship." It was all one-directional. Everything we talked about was about her, and when I tried (in vain) to talk about something about me or what I wanted to talk about, the conversation was always directed toward her again. I was the fool to allow her to not only do that to me, but she also constantly mooched money off of me, simply because she was foolish with her finances and too damn lazy to get a job (or even stay in college for her first semester at the age of 24).

If I'm sounding like a right bitch, and well, then, so be it. I'm sick and tired of being told that I'm a sweet, understanding, caring person, because that is obviously not true. I've felt more selfish and full of self-pity lately than I have in a while, and it's mostly because of a Yahoogroup that I'm on. Now, tell me, how pathetic does that sound? If you wonder (or ever care) why I haven't updated this site, that is part of the reason why. Maybe soon I will actually feel like writing something besides a pointless, stupid journal entry.

posted by Sindie 11:06 AM

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Happy New Year, everyone! Today is Erik's and my fourth month anniversary. It's hard to believe how fast these past four months have gone by, but that's a good thing that our marriage is a happy one. I think that if the time were dragging, that would indicate a bad marriage, wouldn't you? 2003 was a big year of me, but I don't think 2004 will be. I mean, there are some updates we want to make to our house, but that's about it. I don't intend to be buying another house or to be getting married again! LOL

I think my New Year's resolution, even though I didn't officially make one, will be to write more this year than ever. I know for a fact that I read more last year than in any other year of my life. I hope to keep my reading level up there as well and to aspire to become a better writer. I will not rush through things, but I will write when I have inspiration, and when I don't, I will still try to write, even if I just wind up scrapping it. Sometimes, I think, we writers do have to just sit down and write and really force ourselves to write, even when we aren't inspired. Part of writing is to get past the writer's block, and I think that if I just sat around and waited for inspiration to come to me, I may be missing out on improving. It takes discipline, just like anything else that is worthwhile.

posted by Sindie 11:27 AM